The worldly teachings of Coach Timeous Newbroughski

August 30, 2011

4.16.02
Tim: You’re my new courier.
Joe: Actually, I feel more like Helvetica Oblique.
Tim: Unless you default.

4.04.06
Tim asks: Remember that test we had to take that would tell us things like if we’re inverted?
Leigh: Uh, introverted?
Tim: … maybe.

10.11.06
Tim: If it didn’t have a face on it, I won’t eat it. … So how do French fries fit into that, you wonder? They’ve got eyes.

10.18.06
Tim thinks about whether he has an old marketing flowchart on file: I’ve got some jewels in my drawers.

10.20.06
Tim: Everywhere I go, there’s a bowl of candy.
Joe: What about the bathroom?
Tim: There was a bowl, but it wasn’t candy … to some.

11.02.06
On Tim’s desire to have invisible powers:
Leigh: His name could be “Super Fly on the Wall.”
Phil: If invisibility is your favorite power, what would be your favorite thing to do with it?
Tim: … Uh, I’ll talk with you privately later.

Tim's affinity for cotton clothing got him hanging out with a rough crowd.

10.02.07
Tim: PrintCo is using pumpkin-based inks instead of soy-based inks.
BTW: We need to squash that.

11.23.07
Leigh: On MythBusters they tested what best eased the pain of spicy food — milk, water, beer, vodka, toothpaste, petroleum jelly and wasabi.
Tim: That just sounds like my Saturday night.

11.27.07
Tim: They should sick Sallie Mae after Bin Laden. If he had a student loan, they’d find him in a second.

12.3.07
Leigh: What are you hungry for?
Tim: Justice … and we’re not going to be getting any of that today.

7.9.08
Tim: You guys shouldn’t care like I don’t.

8.22.08
Tim: I never expected to use the words “strong” and “the French” in the same sentence … unless I was talking about odor.

Tim is an evil master of disguise. He's so Zartan.

9.5.08
Tim about McNiven’s Coke: It’s as flat as the earth in 1492.

9.5.08
Tim on “denouement”: I could shave at least three letters off that word.
Leigh: Most of the letters are just for show. It’s very French that way.
Tim: I could shave a lot off the French, too.

9.9.08
Tim: Good recommendation on the chili. It burns going in. And on the way down. And on the way out.

3.10.09
Tim: I’m tingling with adequacy.

4.16.09
Tim: Animals are cuter when they’re closer to extinction.

5.6.09
Tim: I’d like to party with me.

5.26.09
Leigh: Who sits like that on a motorcycle?
Tim: I don’t know, but I’m really glad she does.

Two words describe Tim: work ethic. But not necessarily this Tim.

8.20.09
Adrianne C.: I’m so glad the teal bras worked.
Tim: Teal’s my favorite new color.

8.20.09
Tim: Get your flutter ponies away form my satellite computer.

5.25.10
Tim: It’s a great day to be a tropical bird.

6.17.10
Tim: That’s a really nice rack.
Beth and Leigh awkwardly hope he was referring to the newsstand.
Tim tries to rectify his situation: I nearly said, “That’s a lot of wood.”

1.23.11
Joe: We’re still looking for seven brides for your seven stomachs.
Tim: Just give them seven meatballs.

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